Unboxing the Stuffed Crust Pizza: Tex Mex

About twice a year Aldi does an "American" theme week of prepared foods. It's an interesting mix with some good stuff and some WTF.  Last month on Twitter a young academic CoastalCity-American visitor to Germany made fun of the products "Germans think Americans eat." I disagreed with some of his "not-American food" assessments (if I ate it in the Midwest in the 1980s, it's American food) but in general I am entertained by what gets labeled "American" around here.

I've tried enough of the "theme week" things over time to keep expectations low.  Frozen novelty food is disappointing. The cheap chocolate is unpleasantly waxy. And of course I'm not going to buy pre-fab pancakes or brownies because it's so easy to make amazing fresh ones at home.  I was expecting to buy only the sweet pickle relish, which tastes just like the cheap crap I grew up with and is not something found in Freising on the shelves of jars of things in vinegar.

But then I saw it:  The Stuffed Crust Pizza: Tex Mex. Made in Austria. That's not cheese in the crust, that's a 100% pork hot dog. The lack of corn is suspicious--corn where it doesn't belong is the usual signifier that a substance is "American" or "Mexican"--but also welcome.

I had to try it.

The picture looks pretty good, so let's unbox this bad boy:

Where's the cheese?!  (Shut up, brain.)  It's about 30 cm, and the box says it's 513g. I did not weigh it. The important thing is it fit on my plate. There is nothing else in the box.

This pizza contains 6.8% cheese, 4.1% ground beef, and 3.9% red bell pepper.  I cannot make this up.

I followed the directions on the package and baked at 225℃ for 16 minutes.

I chose to pair the dish with a standard Bavarian Helles, the soft white sandwich bread of beers, because its delicate lack of flavor cannot interfere with the food.

After baking, the pizza's cheese insufficiency is even more apparent.  But what about the hot dog?

Ah, there it is, snuggled into the bread with no extra cheese or sauce.  You can also see small chili flakes nestled in the ground beef topping.

So, how does it taste?

The middle is spicy-hot, there is possibly some chili oil mixed into the tomato.  I know I've said this three times, but it needs more cheese.  The crust under the beef is too thick and less crisp than I like, standard with frozen pizza.  The underside has a coating of flour I find annoying.

The hot dog is the best part of the dish, a little sweet, and not too salty.  The outer crust is very bready and reminds me of the frozen dough my grandmother would use for dinner rolls.  I want to dunk it in a cup of that yellow soy oil you get with American delivery pizza.  Not curry, though. Never curry.

The box says the whole pizza is one serving, but I was only able to finish half.

Final thoughts: As my expectations were low, I was not disappointed. I'm not breathlessly waiting for the next "American week", but neither do I regret this purchase.

I should get a Patreon. High-quality food reviews, right here. 😎